Creative self-expression has never been my strong suit either. This blog has, at one time or another, been my attempt at expressing myself in a way that is creative/entertaining and/or insightful. Fail on all those.

So for this year, I’ve decided to die to myself in those areas, since they’re probably borne more or less out of my own pride. I’m going to try to write more- to process and sift through the jungles that are the random thoughts that cross my mind and then distill them here every couple days with absolutely no intention of being creative, entertaining, witty or anything besides being semi-coherent (and even that for my own sake, so I can come back and read what I’ve written with some degree of clarity.)

Along the way, maybe I’ll have a nugget or two that someone will find interesting, though that will be completely accidental and unintentional.

Here’s to another small step.

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Search me and try me, Savior today!
Wash me just now, Lord, wash me just now,
as in thy presence humbly I bow.

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me I pray!
Power, all power, surely is thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine!

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Hold o’er my being absolute sway.
Fill with thy Spirit till all shall see Christ only,
always, living in me!

- A. Pollard

But in reality, they know nothing at all. When He reveals Himself as the Messiah of which Isaiah spoke, they lash out in incredulity. “Is this not Joseph’s son?” What’s more, when Jesus calls them out on their lack of faith, they get angry and seek to toss Him off a cliff. In a moment, they went from giddy fans to a murderous mob- all because Jesus revealed the truth to them- the truth about who He was and the truth about their own hearts. And Jesus then responds to their anger by simply going away. He leaves them in their own sin and they are left to seethe by themselves apart from the presence of the Savior.

Most of the times, I think we think we know who Jesus is. We spend so much time in church doing things, singing songs and praying prayers. But it really isn’t relationship most of the time, it’s lip service. And just like the people of Jesus hometown, we revel in Christ as our “hero” because He makes us feel good about ourselves. We enjoy Christ as long as we feel good, but the real test is when Jesus Himself comes forward and reveals our sin in the deepest part of our hearts. When Jesus calls us out saying “you don’t really know who I am! You don’t even know who you are yourself! Let me show you!” He does this so that we can be saved, that we might know “the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death” (Rom 8:2), and that “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).

So the real question is what our response will be. Will we in humility and faith throw ourselves at the feet of the Savior who we thought we knew, but was far greater than we could ever have imagined? Or will we, in anger and rage, seek to stuff Jesus back into the little box of selfish imagination where we think he belongs? If we fight back against His truth, we will only succeed in doing what the people of Nazareth did- chasing away the Son of God.

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!’
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away”.

- “Ozymandias” by Percy Shelley

I always come back to poetry when I want to hear words express something that prose can’t always capture. This poem has always been one of my favorites and, especially in light of all the turmoil in the Middle East and in the Midwest, it makes me reconsider my heart and thoughts about power, influence and why I do the things I do.

Realistically, everything we do will eventually be forgotten. All the achievements, advancements, awards and accolades, all the good deeds, warm smiles and striving for justice will all disappear. They will die with us and with everybody who knew us. In 100 years, who will remember what you or I accomplished?

But the God’s word stands the test of time. From generation to generation, it’s not been about the things we accomplish for Him that last, but that He lasts. His words stay. He never changes, never moves. The great eternal I AM.

My joy should be to live for Him, the true King of Kings. That though I falter and fail, I remember it’s not my work and will that lasts, but His. And the sand and desert, time and rot, will never swallow up His kingdom.

Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the duty of all mankind.
-Ecclesiastes 12:13

I really do enjoy the celebration of romance in a lot of ways. It puts a lot of things in perspective. Makes us reassess what our priorities in life should be. Personally, I deal with selfishness in my heart everyday and a day like today reminds me that greater joy is found in giving to others out of love without expecting anything in return.

That said, I’m still single, so I guess this day also makes me wonder when my turn will be. I guess I could be spiritual about it and say “Jesus is my valentine,” but I won’t. Jesus is more than just the afterthought to change the way I feel about my situation. I want Him to be the one driving my feelings and thoughts from the very beginning. I need to work on that.

So I’ll continue to wonder, but I won’t get hung up on it. =)

I often find myself treating God and other people like comic books. I’m not treating them like trash or neglecting them, but I’m distancing myself from them. They become just a set of things I can value from afar and take pride in, but I don’t really know the stories they hold. They’re all just there to make me feel alright about myself. I don’t want to be challenged by God’s call to repent. I don’t want to get into the messiness of peoples’ lives and really seek to love them. I just amass a meaningless collection made solely for my own self-seeking affirmation. And just like my comic book collection, ultimately it all just ends up in a box in my closet, collecting dust, just waiting for that moment when I want them back again. Such a selfish way to look at relationships!

In Israel, God chose a selfish, weak and stubborn people. Time and time again they marginalized Him, insulted Him, resented Him and cheated on Him with other gods. Yet still He says to them “…behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her…And I will betroth you to me forever…And You shall know the LORD” (Hosea 2:14, 19-20) Such sweet and tender words!!

Though God’s heart is broken time and time again, He never gives up. The love He has is a love that transcends and breaks down sin. It runs sin over and topples down strongholds of guilt and fear. It destroys idolatry and melts the cold heart. The love of God is not the love of a collector for His large and valuable collection, but the love of a husband for His one, true love. It is a love that reconciles through any sin. It is a burning and desirous love. It is a Gospel love.

This is the love we also should have for Him, as a wife for her husband. This is also the love we share with each other, as a kingdom family seeking to build each other up. This is the love we share with a hurting world, as God reconciles sinners to Himself through Jesus.

Oh God that your love would overflow in me. Set my heart afire in that love for You. And in joy, might I share that love, the love you shared with us in the Gospel, with the individuals, the multitudes and the nations.

“Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us that we should be called the sons of God” (1 Jn 3:1)

Theology, like mathematics or biology or literary theory, represents just another object to be studied.  It has become a technical exercise, divorced from the character and identity of the practitioner, a matter simply of learning the techniques or the rules of the game.  In this context, theologians like to think of themselves often as nice people, as socially acceptable, as aspiring to places at the cultural table, as being accepted by others.

But this was not so for Luther: the theologian was one who had been seized by the Word, gripped by the address of God, whose very identity was determined by the this prior address of God which then compelled and shaped any response he might care to give. This process was agonizing, existential, redefining at the most fundamental level the person’s own self-understanding as the huge gulf that exists between Creator and creature in all of its terrifying glory comes home to the theologian and drives him again and again out of himself and to the cross where hangs the Incarnate God.  A theologian — a true theologian — was one who, through agonizing struggle was driven again and again by the Spirit to wrestle with the text of scripture so as to discern its meaning, and then communicate that meaning in the power of the Spirit to others.

*GASP*

Now don’t worry! I still love my church and I still absolutely love reading the Bible (even if I fall asleep in the middle sometimes).  I love these things…but I decided not to do them this week in small group. Instead, I decided to spend time with people =)

This week, our group had a community building night (read: HANGOUT). Instead of the usual dinner, song and study, we broke out into smaller groups for dinner and wrapped up the night together at the bowling alley. It was a time meant to get people to really talk to each other without the whole “I need to talk spiritual” atmosphere. In all, it was a good time! People came and went, but I feel God really helped us interact with each other better in a night where we weren’t all sitting in a circle talking about a Bible passage.

For us church lifers, I think we spend so much of our time in the church doing church things that we forget the body of believers is made up of people- people whose lives are more than just reading and talking about the Bible. Most of our lives are, in fact, lived outside of the church, dealing with the ups and downs of marriage, work, kids, etc. If we’re not “in” each others’ lives, encouraging, listening and speaking into other peoples’ stories, then we miss out on one of the biggest purposes that Jesus has for the church-

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13:34-35

Let us love by engaging, knowing and caring for each other in more than just the “churchy” things, but in every important way. Because when we love each other, when we build meaningful relationships within our family in Christ, the world sees that we follow not just the God of truth or the God of laws, but also, the God of love, forgiveness and sacrifice- the One who sent Jesus to die for us. We picture the Gospel to a dark world.

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love , by our love.

But when it comes to the things of God, when it comes to things far beyond surface level thought or cursory consideration, I am faced with the very fact that I don’t know much- and that is an understatement. Knowing Jesus is a humbling thing because once you start to dig deeper,  you begin to see that you haven’t even scratched the surface. Questions arise, doubts come to mind, and certainty loses its power. You might even have what some call a “crisis of faith.”

But if we really did begin to understand God, we’d see that these mysteries and paradoxes, rather than turn our hearts from God, should turn our eyes to Him in awe, wonder and worship. It is an incredible display of hubris to demand that God fit into “my” little box. If God really is who He said He is, He SHOULD be beyond my lifetime comprehension, much less the 10 minute philosophical moments I have in the shower. The questions left unanswered should draw us closer to God and cause our hearts to ache to know Him more.

So instead of seeing the riddles as roadblocks to faith, I want to learn to see them as the beautiful urgings of the Spirit to go, as Aslan said, “further up and further in.”

I marvel at the beauty of large scale office copier technology. Truly, one of the more amazing modern conveniences we have today. A job that once took a professional printer days to complete can now be done by any average joe in a matter of minutes. Want 100 more copies of that presentation? Just click and it’ll be in your hands in no time- collated and stapled! Even the most complex and intricate designs can now be copied with 3D printers!!

I was thinking, maybe I’ve applied that mentality to my own life as a Christian. I expect everything to come quickly and swiftly, well-ordered and neatly organized, as long as I follow the right steps. I expect my own life to reflect Christ in a matter of days when the work is really a lifetime thing- and even then, we need God to finish everything up because we can’t reach it on our own. I forget that the Christian life is one of investment and constant “coming back again.” It’s a messy thing. I forget that each sin and success, each mistake- lucky and stupid, are all a part of the long copying process to transform me into somebody that resembles Jesus.

I’m reminded of Romans 5:1-4 and the long chain of grace that flows from God and back to Him as we are grown, changed and transformed into the likeness of Christ with hope in Him in our hearts.  But it’s a long process. Christian growth is never measured in days or months, but in years and seasons of life. I’ve got to remember that I’m still somewhere “in-process” and that God’s not done with me yet =) I’ve got faith that God is who He said He is and will finish what He started at the Cross.

Besides, if He stopped now, He’d have a heck of a paper jam to clear up…